[

Current Mood

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blank

]

the clock is ticking faster than its usual pace.
i am okay. i am fine.
though sometimes i feel mad and sad.
it has always been a usual thing for me.
first time i was mad then i was fine.
then i get sad when the next day i feel bloody okay.

and really i hope you stop lying to yourself coz i feel stupid for you.
you made me the loser but its a known fact that the real LOSER is you baby.

i repeat that again 
YOU ARE A LOSER.
my loser.
my sore loser that i loved secretly.
but you dont want me to love you.
coz you have been lying to everyone including yourself.
guess what?
i realised i dont love you.
i loved HOW you treat me like i'm special sometimes.
NOT YOU.
i repeat.
NOT YOU.
thats all baby.
i swear.

[

Current Mood

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blah

]

 i wish i am living at bras basah now so i can go art friend anytime i want.
 i wish i can stop my mind from thinking so i can feel numb.
 i wish this guy didnt like me coz i dont want to hurt him coz he is my friend.
 in the very first place, i wish i didnt make that mistake.
 i wish katie sketch is beside me right now. hahaaha.
i am so crazy the titan is infecting my brain.

[

Current Mood

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amused

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i would only go gay for katie sketch. or anyone who has close resemblence of katie herself. ahhaa.
you are my gay love darling.

its alright to have your hopes high sometimes. but it depends on what you are hoping for.

PEACE LOVE HAPPINESS.

you want to pierce your smiley and i want to pierce my not so visible dimple but i fear PAIN.
how DILINAYAH K?

aku feel happy because aku didnt feel any sense of regret right after that.


self satisfaction is a greed

i can  never say god things about you
coz
in the end
you gave me bad things.
no point in trying to relive the happy moments eh.



you can never understand my entries coz your ego is distracting you so much you only speak ENGRISH (as said by dilinayah k) !
hahaha.

[	Current Mood	|	disappointed	]
[	Current Music	|	OF MOONS,BIRDS BY MGMT	]

the male homosapiens tend to get eaten by their egosso much 
that they think whatever they do are always right and it was never their fault in the first place.

FUCK OFF WILL YOU.

I let you vent your frustrations on me. 
its alright with me.
but when i try to help, i always have to side you.
can't you ever think that at some point it can be your fault too?

it was never about us. it was always about you.
are you happy now that you can blame everything on us after this whole journey?
unfair.
unappreciated.
that is what we really feel.
at least me and yana do.

i am really disappointed this time round.
WITH YOU.

[

Current Mood

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frustrated

]

a punch on the face, thanks to my fucking fist would be a great dose for you right now.


i'll dig out your guts and stomach, your heart still attached to you.
bury you alive along with your dirty organs laying beside you.
i hope you can see how grotesque you are actually all this while before this happen.



oh i can so imagine doing this to you now.
but i am not so cruel like you to do that to you back as a revenge.
you hurt me bad. YOU HURT ME BADDDDDDD.
YOU OWE ME AN APOLOGY.
you avoid situations when it happens.
i was so naive to be hurt so badly.

i just want you to fucking know that you have made me a loser.
yes and i hope you came across my lj coz i really want you to know.
but the real loser is YOU.

think about it.

[

Current Mood

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cranky

]

i am done.
we are done.
we sell ourselves like they buy those apples.

if i wasn't here right now,
i would enjoy how it used to be.
i miss my history.
if only my history can repeat itself 
like how world war repeats itself.

if you can bring in peace, what can i recover?
if its just emptiness,
then i'll just say goodbye.

I WANT TO BE A FREE HOMOSAPIEN LIKE I USED TO BE.
no hopes for me to climb on 
and FUCK THE WORLD.

I miss obessesing with interpol like every fucking day.
oh i want my history back!!!!

PLEASE.

i fucked my american cunt.
i love my english romance.

[	Current Mood	|	blah	]
[	Current Music	|	love psychedelico	]

my dear neng bo lend me his iphone.
this is so doped up shit ya'll.
i'll look dope with it man.
well i was at store the whole night to help him with some report.
and now my back is aching due to the non-stop typing.
i don't need hello kitty.
you so owe me a massage my dear.



i don't want to speak about you.
it hurts and it kills me because we have secrets that we hide from each other.
i thought this was over.

[	Current Mood	|	drained	]
[	Current Music	|	COLDPLAY-VIOLETHILL	]

THIS ISN'T THE GREATEST FEELING THAT I'VE YET TO KNOW.
MINDLESS HOPES OF THE ORGLING MUSE .

NOW, LETS PAUSE AND THINK AGAIN.
IF EVERYTHING WAS WORTH MY TIME.
I REGRET, I APPRECIATE.
MY KNOWLEDGE IS GAINING, SOMEHOW RUNNING OUT.

IF LIFE IS MEANT TO BE OPTIMISTIC, WHY DID IT TURNED PESSIMISTIC?
IF THE PATH CHOSEN WAS NEVER THE RIGHT ONE, WHEN WILL I GET MY WAY.
YOU MADE ME STUMBLE AFTER YOU.
HEY YOU, MY HEART IS LOSING AFTER YOURS.

IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW YOU FEEL IN THE END.
LETS BE OBSESSED WITH OUR OWNSELVES AND THINK ABOUT US.


WAIT......I TURNED THE WRONG WAY AGAIN. NOW I GOT LOST.
CAN YOU REALLY HELP ME FIND MY WAY?? 
I'M REALLY DRAINED.

[

Current Mood

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stressed

]

this week are the balls man.
i've never felt this free despite the stress with my assignments.

ok i take back the last sentence.
this livejournal of mine is solely for the prurpose of entertaining my depressive moments.
so i am sorry if my entries are the balls because of its dramatic situations that i tend to fall into.


and again just when i thought i managed to escape from the hole, i fell right into another one.
this time its much complicated. and i can't disclose who are involved.
its a secret. i guess i am meant to be a secret from others. whatever i do should be a secret because i don't ant to hurt me and the party involved.
oh this is fucked.
i am so fucked.
i hate myself for being th greatest idiot. idiot. idiot!
i shall fear now balls.

[	Current Mood	|	calm	]
[	Current Music	|	embrace-gravity	]

"can we just be friends?"
coz we sure are acting like one uh?
wait i thought i have end it all.
parts of me are still clinging onto you.
but i have moved on one step further.
you said that word when you want to.
that is unfair for me.
when we went out, i had fun.
i don't want to ruin the happy feelings when i get home.
but you just had to text me saying you miss me?
you're stressing me out for sure.
i'd rather you don't text me after the night.
but you did.
what can i say?
happiness don't last long.



and i am back to jinxing everything for sure.
i predict next week will be a bad week for me.
let's see.

 i give up on everything.
my heart is shredded.
i am falling apart.
i am a lie.
you are a lie.

goodbye homosapiens.
i will go back to the hole i dug yesterday and hide forever.
i will never look forward to tomorrow coz i fear.
you will not see me for the longest time.
as long as i survived in that lovely hole.

leave me alone.
let me rot.
i have ended.......now.

 YOU ARE AN ASSHOLE _ _ _ _ _!!!
I REALLY MEAN IT.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT I SEE IN YOU.
I HOPE YOU KNOW THAT THIS IS FOR YOU.
FUCK YOU.

[	Current Mood	|	groggy	]
[	Current Music	|	interpol-mascara	]

a day of nothingness leads me to whoring out some INTERPOL.
YES. i went through my whole interpol collection.
i miss watching their live performances.
and i vant to catch them live. 


ohh MR PAULIE.
STOP whoring out with that holena christensen.
can you please get your ass back to the studio.
get that 4th album ready and start to rock out on every stadium you can get on.
and that includes BUKIT GOMBAK STADIUM. hahaha.


but i am really pleading you INTERPOL.
come and entertain me with your sexy moves and haunting songs.
CAN? CAN? CAN?
inter

i hate to see my friends drowning in sadness or such negativities.
i'd rather see them happy then being happy myself.
what's the point in being happy when you can't share them right?
alright yana,
please take care of yourself alright.
if you need anything you can always nudge me.
there's no point in me being happy when i know that you're not enjoying life that much.
as a friend i'd rather drown in sadness together with you.
okay you might cringe and think that i'm falling in love with you.
i am but not in that way ok.
i love you coz you are such a good pal to me.
despite the beerits moments we have between each other.
but then again the beerits will turn out into a joke.
right?
hahahaha.
zomg. did i just get cheesy about our friendship??
ahahaha. ok i shall stop now.

one day we shall share our great meaningful moments together.




i hate being doubtful, uncertainty.
i hate myself for being a pessimistic optimist.
and lastly i hate you when i start assuming bad things about you.
maybe i should be hating you sometimes.
coz i can't trust you. and obviously you don't trust me.


p/s: the previous post was such a regret.
i think it jinxed everything. 
i was born to jinx myself i guess.

[	Current Mood	|	happy	]
[	Current Music	|	damien marley- still searching	]

to say that i'm in a euphoric state would be exaggerating.
let's just say i'm on the bright side now.
being normally happy.
alright?


hopes are back on.
call me a loser.
i dont fucking care.
coz when you get onto cloud nine,
u'll get dazed due to the non stop hypnotising.



oh ya...closing was fucking tiring and frustrating today.


peace.

[

Current Mood

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blah

]

one more thing.

if interpol were to come to singapore.
erin and i will lock PAUL BANKS in the toilet while he's doing his business.
and we shall rape him before he can make helena christensen pregnant. 


now, this is so random i swear.